Friday, January 7, 2011

Why Marry Rich When You Can Marry Handy!?

Every young girl's dream man has several redeeming qualities, but one quality that tops the priority list? Money, mullah, dinero, geld...whatever language you choose, it's all the same: WEALTH! Though today's woman is moving more towards the top of wealth engine (Girl Power!), many girls still seek a man who can provide for her and their soon-to-be Brady Bunch.

You've got it all wrong, ladies! Well, let's not get hasty; wealth is definitely a perk. But who needs wealth when you've got handy? I'm not talking "handy" in the bedroom (though, that's certainly a worthy quality), I'm talking Handy Man! If you're confused (because, alas, you have not bagged yourself a Handy Man), see Timothy "Tim the Tool Man" Taylor (::insert famous grunt::), Al Borland, that hunky (did I mention shirtless?) gardener John Rowland, or, for our younger crowd, Handy Manny and Bob the Builder (I think Dora just ::sighed::).

How do I know it's better to marry handy than rich? Well, although I've never married rich, so it's somewhat hard to compare (though, I can pretty much imagine life as Hef's flavor of the year and I'm just not sure any amount of mullah in the world would make up for the rest of the lacking 10 more years of life. Sorry, Hef.), I have unquestionably married handy. I myself can handle that of changing a light bulb (no, it does not take several blondes...), and popping the switch when the breaker blows, but hell if I can change my oil, rebuild a treadmill, put together that of ANY Ikea products, or install a light fixture. Of course, unless you would like me to be gray (no, make that bald) with dark circles looming under my eyes, having drank at least a bottle and a half of wine, and cursed out no less than three customer service reps. So, for that, I have married handy...maybe the handiest. Think of the money you'll save (later equating to a rich AND Handy Man) if you can cut out bi-monthly oil changes at your local Jiffy Lube and stop buying loads of batteries to ignite the flashlight that helps you see your clothes at the back of your closet.

Next time you think about accepting a second date or consider accepting that 4-carat princess cut diamond nearly blinding you, ask him first, "That sounds swell...but can you build a car from the ground up? How about installing a massive yet girly light fixture in my walk-in closet...that you also custom made shelves for? If so, you've got a deal".

For those of you who have already bitten the dust (who doesn't love Queen??), and you're now starring next to you at the not-so-handyman...don't call mine, he's busy ;-)

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